Friday, 12 June 2009
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A 38-year-old patient came in complaining that he couldn't see well with his new glasses.
"You're supposed to be a doctor? I can't see far with these glasses that YOU prescribed." He was a real dick.
Oh, boy. Here we go, I thought to myself. "Follow me," I said to him. I took him outside and had him put his glasses on. I pointed toward the sky and said, "What's that up there?"
"The sun?" he said.
"Right. How 'far' do you fucking want to see?" I asked.
I can be a real dick, too.
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
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I walked into the exam room and saw a female patient with high heels and a designer Coach bag sitting in the chair. "Oh boy," I rolled my eyes.
"You're cute," she giggled.
"Thank you," I said.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" she asked.
"Nope," I said.
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"Good. You're nine. You shouldn't have one until you're twenty-five."
What the hell is up with kids these days.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
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Why the hell do some patients insist that I am only capable of showing them LETTERS?
25-year-old female. I showed her a giant number 4. It was so big a blind person could see it. I asked, "What letter, or NUMBER, is that?"
"...A,"
Fucking Christ.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Thursday, 29 January 2009
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24-year old female patient.
"Read those letters," I said. The letters were F, Z, B, D, and E.
"F, Z, B, D, E," she said.
"Okay, good. Now, look carefully at those letters. I'm going to change one of the lenses in front of you, and you just have to say if that makes it better or worse. Okay? Just say 'better' or 'worse.' Okay? All you have to say is 'better' or 'worse.' Nothing else. Just 'better' or 'worse,' okay? 'Better' or 'worse.'"
I changed the lens. "Okay, did that get better or worse?"
"F, Z, B-"
"BETTER or WORSE."
"F-"
"BETTER OR WORSE."
"Oh... Can you do it again?"
Fuck.
Monday, 24 November 2008
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16-year old female.
"Look across the room and tell me what letter you see," I said. It was the 20/400 "E."
"I can't see it. It's blurry," she said.
"I think you can see it a little bit, no?"
"No, I can't see it. I can see the shape, but I can't make it out."
"Just try. I'll give you a hint. It's an 'E.'"
"Okay, fine," she said. "Is it an 'L?'"
Yes. "L" for "loser," you lametard.
Wednesday, 10 September 2008
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24-year old female patient.
"Read that line of letters and numbers," I said. The line was O, F, L, C, and 3.
"O, F, L, C, E," she said.
"That's good," I said, "but try that last one again. It's a number."
"E."
"It's a number."
"M."
"It's a number."
"X?"
"Umm... Try again. It's a number."
"Y."
"It's a number."
"Oh! Did you say it's a number?"
"No. It's a letter."
"Oh... 3?"
I have no faith in humanity.
Friday, 29 August 2008
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28-year old woman.
"Alright," I said, "look across the room at those letters. Those are the smallest letters in the room. Read them." The letters were O, H, P, N, T, and Z. (That's 20/15 vision, which is better than 20/20.)
"I can't read them," she said. "They're too small."
"Are you sure you can't read them?" I asked.
"Well, yeah, I can read them. They're O, H, P, N, T, Z. But I still can't see them. I want to see them."
"Oh alright. So you can tell me what those letters are but you can't see them?"
"Yes."
What the fuck are you talking about, you loser.
Saturday, 19 July 2008
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I have no faith in patients to have the ability to answer simple questions.
38-year old female.
"I'm going to give you a choice between lens #1 and lens #2. Tell me which one makes the letters look clearer," I said. "Here is #1--"
"#1 looks better," she said.
"I haven't showed you #2 yet."
"Oh, sorry."
Yes, you are.
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
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11-year old boy.
"Read those letters," I said. The letters were O, F, L, C, and T.
"O, R, L, C, T," he said.
"Hmm. Try again," I said.
"Okay. O, R, L, C, T," he said.
"Try again. You just missed one letter."
"Oh. Is there an F in there?" he asked.
"Yes, but you keep calling it R, so try again."
"Okay. O, R, L, C, T."
I'm fairly certain he takes the short bus to school.
dr_serrata
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- Name: dr_serrata
- Member Since: 11/6/2007
